i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
