I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
