Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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