I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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