I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
