I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
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