I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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