last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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