In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
