i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
