Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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