people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
