The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
