Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
