I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
