just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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