my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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