Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
