arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
