; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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