I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Randomize
