You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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