I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
