I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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