I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
