She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
