I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Randomize
