Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
