Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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