toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
We are all done wearing pants today
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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