You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
