i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
