What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
