we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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