she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
