so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I didn't notice because vodka
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
