apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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