So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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