the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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