i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
