Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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