mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Randomize
