Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
