I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
The police scanner is talking about you again....
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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