oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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