Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Randomize
