If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
