I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm passing your future prison.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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