I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
