They should really pass out barf bags in church
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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