Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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