Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
