i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
