i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
