no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
