She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
