it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
