Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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