i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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